Owning your insecurities

When I was at school people would make fun of my teeth, and call me “Moana the vampire”. I know most kids would usually find this upsetting, but I would go along with it, pretending to be a vampire and chase them away. They screamed and eventually pissed off.

Looking back it shocks me I had such a ‘no fucks’ attitude, given that when you’re young you tend to really ‘give a shit’ about what others think of you. Perhaps it was because I knew eventually I’d get braces and my teeth wouldn’t resemble a blood sucking being. So really it wasn’t ever something for me to really worry about.

Fast forward a few years, and something people would taunt me with, would actually hurt my feelings and did swallow me up from the inside.

“You’re so much prettier with makeup on”

This would be said to me, from various types of people, Friends, family, co workers, throughout my life. Even recently a friend poked fun at my ‘non existent’ eyelashes. And my boss used to think I was sick if I wore hardly any/no makeup.

The truth is, I genuinely believed that to be the case. And when you believe something negative there’s no coming out of the insecure zone, unless you get it together and talk yourself out of it. I used to put makeup on before anyone in the morning saw me. Even at times family members. So silly.

Only in the last couple of years I’ve enjoyed my non makeup face. I don’t mind my freckles and overly large pores. In fact there’s something liberating about chilling out without makeup on, knowing you don’t have to waste time standing in front of a mirror cleaning the war paint off your face.

I have always been fair haired, so my lashes and eyebrows are pretty light and can only be seen through a telescope. But I kinda like that now. I used to dream of having darker hair so my features would stand out more. But that’s just not me.

Having children really stopped me in my tracks and made me more confident. A lot of mums complain about their stomachs “never being the same again” and fuck knows why but I don’t mind my stomach. It’s baggy skinned and covered in stretch marks. But I feel like it doesn’t matter. I feel like women waste far too much time chasing perfection.

Why can’t we be realistic and understand we simply cannot have it all. People have assumed that because I’ve had my lips done, that it was an insecurity of mine. It really wasn’t I just wanted them bigger. And I don’t then look at other women and think ‘hmm you really ought to get your lips done‘ that would just be strange.

We all have ‘something’ the other doesn’t have. And also beauty isn’t placed in one certain box. Beauty really is a spectrum which we’re all firmly placed on. We all see things differently, and we all like things differently.

And when you don’t care about what others think of your looks. That’s when the fun begins. One persons beauty doesn’t tarnish your own.

It comes from the inside, and works it’s way out. That’s the most important part. You can spend tons of money on clothes and Botox. If you never ever truly like who you are. You’ll go to your grave disappointed.

Alex

Brex-sh-it

Christ on a cracker. Can you believe it’s taken me until Now to write a blog post on Brexit? Truth is, it’s one of those *lets just pretend this ain’t happening* situations.

It was the summer of 2016. I remember it well, because that summer, Mitchell and I had broken up for three weeks, and that mixed with Brexit made summer quite shit. I stayed up all night (not exaggerating) refreshing the internet on my phone, whilst Rex was asleep beside me. We shared my bed that summer because I didn’t like sleeping on my own.

I cried. I wondered what world I had brought my son into. And no offence, but if you think I’m being dramatic.. you’re not paying attention.

Let’s all take out the ‘did you vote remain or leave’ thing out of this for five mins and look at the facts. Hate crimes have risen since Brexit. I’ve witnessed and heard people close to me suffer homophobic and racist slurs since Brexit. Something, they once never experienced. Coincidence? Perhaps, but when a divide happens in this country, what on earth do you expect to happen? The U.K. is about to turn into a dictatorship.

“I’d rather have Putin as my PM” I said to Mitchell, the other night. “Nah, wouldn’t go that far” he replied. Oh really? Well with the likes of Trump and BOJO, these clownish, joker fellas, who people seem to find ‘funny’ and ‘charming’ put on a front, but don’t be fooled they aren’t as dumb as they make themselves out to be. What BOJO just pulled out the bag, is very clever and well thought out. Of course he (more than likely) had help to realise this, but it’s cunning and shady. Something dumb people are not capable of doing.

At least with Putin, you see a cunt, you get a cunt, acting like a cunt. And there are no cunty secrets.

Leave voters

I’ll be fair to you, not all of you are racist arseholes. And I believe you, when you say you wanted to better the NHS. I get it. We’re all mad and pissed at the state of our country in some way or another. And when we’re mad, just like in any situation in our lives. We make silly choices. And without the real facts, without really knowing what you were voting for… well quite frankly I think you made a bad choice. I understand there’s a divide, between us and in general. But you have to wake up and understand that a ‘no deal’ isn’t only going to hurt us, but it’s going to hurt you too.

Remain voters

Stop calling leave voters racist, xenophobic, homophobic. Stop calling them stupid. Assuming every single person who voted leave is ‘stupid’ is stupid itself. We carry on calling each other names… what’s the good in that? We’re as bad as voting leave if so. I feel your upset and frustration, because I am that too. But now isn’t the time to start acting like a Facebook keyboard warrior and make fun of those who voted for this. Leave voters voted leave, they didn’t vote how. This is all Bojo, Farage, and everyone else on that ‘twaty’ busses fault. And that’s who we need to target our passion/dislike towards.

I know Brexit is quite ugh. We are all sick of hearing and reading about it. It’s a total turn off. It’s a barrel of regrets from the night before. It’s your mother in law. It’s that girl who pretends to be thick to impress the ‘air head’ popular boys in class. It’s the empty fridge of the night before a food shop, It’s Toffs annoying voice, it’s everything you reaaallllly cannot tolerate. But it’s also our reality and it’s time to face the fear.

What can we do?

Well, for starters accept our defeat. We’re leaving. But, let’s push for a fairer leave.

Talk to your children about Brexit. The children are our future. If we drill it into our children, they will remember to steer clear from the tories and take voting more seriously. And not to repeat history.

Don’t believe everything you read. Have you watched ‘the great hack’ on Netflix? These types of campaigns target people and make them believe the wrong choices are the right ones.

And lastly. Stop voting Tory. It’s time to stop. It’s time to start treating people, from all different backgrounds, with respect. People argue that the Tory party have produced more jobs for the economy. When will we stop prioritising money over people. Homelessness has risen, families relying on food banks has risen, suicide rates have risen. Yet, here we are celebrating jobs. There’s more to fucking life.

Whether we like it or not. We’re all in this together. Let’s stop making it about leave/remain, and let’s make it about being more fair. I believe deep down, no one wants a ‘no deal’. People who say they do are just being stubborn. People’s lives are in actual danger, here. Nope. Again not being dramatic. That’s the facts and you need to read it loud and clear.

I myself, have been contacted about my medication. About the risk of it being reduced if a ‘no deal’. I can live without my medication. But what about those who simply cannot?

This is no joke you guys. It’s a real life Kim K losing her diamond earring in the ocean. A real WTF moment.

So get up and do something about it. Speak, talk, tell your stories, tell your opinion, ask people to speak to their local MP, March, protest, and most importantly keep the faith. Don’t outcast another voter simply because they voted different to you. None of us knew the mess that was about to hit us. And everyone deserves to be heard.

I’m so glad I can tell my children I voted REMAIN.

the EU will be that one EX we never managed to fully get over.

Love to all

Brexit rant. Officially over. Never again.

Me myself and I

The most important person on this planet is yourself.

Only you will get yourself out of the darkness. Only you will motivate yourself enough to reach that goal. It was a real bitter and hard pill to swallow, when that realisation kicked in, that the only person who was going to get myself out of feeling so low/depressed and anxious, was myself.

For a very long time I would attach myself to another person, friendship or partner, to ‘pick me up’. At the grand old age of 27, I’ve now realised I got that all wrong.

My best friend is myself. I know myself the best. I know when I’m being out of order, and I know when I’m being my best self. I know who’s good for me, I know who’s bad for me. I know what makes myself happy and I know what pisses me off. I listen to my gut feeling over anybody else, and I meditate when I feel low.

Since putting myself first, I feel happier within myself. There have been some tough things going on in my life, but I’ve handled things quite well, and not dwelled on things, or replayed certain upsetting scenarios in my head. This is brand new shit. I never used to be like this, and it’s a real big gulp of refreshing fresh air!

I’m still learning (aren’t we all?) but I’ve come so far in the last 12 months. I’ve saved my ‘fucks‘ for things that I feel are most important, to myself. I’ve reacted to things that I felt was right at the time, and left/walked away from situations I knew I had to stay clear from.

Only myself will be able to push me to do my makeup career. Even if people are negative, it’s down to me how I will take that criticism, and turn it into a positive.

I think human beings work together best as a village, but if yourself (number one) isn’t feeling great.. how are you going to be a good person, parent, friend, sister, auntie, cousin, grandma, or pet?? (Some people have weird fetishes) The answer is, you cannot.

Things I’ve started doing to make myself feel better within :

Meditation

Surround myself/communicate with those who make me most happy

Stopped explaining myself to those who are committed to misunderstanding me

Fall in love with myself, the good, the bad and ugly. When you recognise your flaws no one can use them against you. Oh and also actually enjoy looking at your own face.

Read books that inspire

Unfollow anyone who is boring/negative on social media

Learn when to speak and when to listen (ok still learning on this one)

Be realistic and don’t expect things from people who won’t give you what you deserve

Standing up for myself. No one will have your back, like you have your own.

Since genuinely ‘liking’ myself, my relationship has gotten better with Mitch. I know I can survive if we broke up. I am strong enough to cope and deal with life by myself, but I want to be with him. I don’t depend on him anymore, I’m out of that “Im obsessed with you and need you to survive” mentality. Until you’re out of that mental head space, you don’t realise how unhealthy it is. I’m marrying Mitch because we make a good team, but I still think the person who will always look after myself the best, is me.

Brownie points, for how many times ‘myself’ and ‘me’ is mentioned. LOL.

Alex

Basic bitch

Once upon a time I was a bit of a bitch. Who knew?

I used to think anyone who wore boring clothes was a basic bitch. It was to me, back then, a scientific fact.

Since then I’ve grown up, and no longer think this. I still use the phrase ‘basic bitch’ but for other reasons, other than judging an outfit.

Some of the most passionate people I’ve ever met, have been wearing the most tragic outfits. Clothes don’t define you completely, your integrity and all round spirit do.

You’re a basic bitch (in my eyes) if you’re any of the following… 👀

Someone who puts other people’s dreams down

Not all of us want to work at an 9-5 office job Karen. Some of us are brave enough to spread our wings, and kick our fears in the arses. Don’t be jel.

someone who gossips in a mean manner about other people’s lives

The only reason anyone would ever do this, is simply because they are bored shitless with their own lives. (And obvs have terrible sex lives). Not all of us are driven just by material, material, material. Some of us love feeling the rain on our skin, or live life so deeply it feels like a rollercoaster at times.

People who think at a certain age you gotta stop doing certain things

Helllll naw. My hair is going to be bright pink or blue when I’m 86, and I’ll be wearing my tracksuit too. if you think Madonna should stop being herself because she’s not 20 anymore but have no issue with Leo D’cap being a player or think Brad Pitt is still fine to do whatever the hell he wants, then you’re part of the problem. Deal with it.

People who judge & think it’s wrong when women do/live/act out in similar ways to men

Women aren’t just baby machines. So, just like men, women are allowed to not want to have babies too. I KNOW CRAZY RIGHT??!! Women who are CEO of a company, aren’t ‘lonely‘ or ‘bossy’ oh and also.. take a seat for this one : women actually enjoy having sex just as much as men. And if they wanna have casual, safe, sex then don’t be a judge Judy about it.

People who don’t try ‘new’

Those who never get out of their comfort zone. You gotta get out there and experience life. Do things you’d never thought you’d do. Speak and debate with people you’d never imagine doing so with. Explore your own body and gender, you never know who you are until you really try it all. Explore every inch of life possible. People who stick around in the same boring job/relationship/hobbies. You only do it once (life). Don’t play it safe.

Going with the flow

Don’t know much about politics? But, will just go along with what your mate says? Or you’ll just not comment at all? You’re a basic bitch. Not being political is an ignorant privilege. People’s lives, depend on decisions that come from political choices. It’s lame as shit if you don’t have an opinion on something so important. Women died, or are still till this day locked up! For standing up for you and I.. Show some respect and learn. Especially in this current climate wake up.

Thinking aliens aren’t real

Yes…this ones less serious I guess. But come on…. of course they’re real gtfoh Karen.

Laughing at someone’s style choices

Aw. Playing it safe and boring again are we? Shocker. These kinda people who laugh at those for wearing ‘different’ kinda clothes or looks/being themselves only get their inspo from the latest love islander or fashion blogger. Is that truly you? Or are you just not brave enough to be yourself and not give a shit what others think? You should be your own inspiration. Only you know YOU the best and most! These kinda people only get their hair, nails, cars, houses, even relationships! done a certain way because everyone else is doing it. Try to break that mould and be you.

Anyone who is racist/sexist/homophobic/xenophobic

That title speaks for itself. You are legit the worst kind of person. Now goodbye, don’t come near me.

Anyone who isn’t truly pleased for someone’s good news

What is wrong with you? Good news is good. Good makes the world a better place. At least pretend to be happy for good news. Else you look like a sour mushy muffin. And no one wants a sour mushy muffin at party.

If you’re any of these things.. how did you find my blog?

And… when are you leaving?

Thanks. 😇

🐾

My favourite people to follow on Instagram

There are many different reasons why I love following these accounts. But one reason which resonates in all five, is authenticity.

When you’re authentic on Instagram it shows. It just comes across naturally and no matter who you are or what kind of person you may be, I love people who live life as their true selves.

Here are my fave people to follow on Instagram

Mother Scuffer

This woman is incredible. Just when you think you’ve had a rough day with your babies, you then read about the adventures she’s had with five of her children (which she home schools). She makes it look so easy. But she’s very open and honest about life, her anxiety, the struggles she deals with at home. Her children are all so very cute and love a good day out. Her smile makes me smile. Thank you for being YOU 🙂

Emjorealdavies

I love a woman going out into the world and getting what she wants. I love Emma because she’s this gorgeous, funny being but she’s also very intelligent and down to earth. And doesn’t shy away from making fun of herself. Her passion for gardening has been a real eye opener for me, didn’t realise how much time and effort goes into it! And she’s always there to give out advice etc when it comes to presenting. Cannot wait to see what you do next I’m rooting for you.

Iamthehag

Black magic. That is all. A classy, graceful, intelligent woman. So artistic her insta is basically art on art, her style is perfect. I could stare at her feed for days. I feel like I learn a lot from her. I think good things are coming for her, she’s so sweet with the kindest nature. She has supported me on insta from day one. And she isn’t no fake. Always fan girling you.

Matthewandryan

Such sweet guys and have been lucky enough to meet them a few times now. Very humble, hard working, go get it, people. They spread good/powerful messages for LGBTQ community on their Instagram page. Their dog lives a better life than all of us haha. I loved watching their journey through Japan. They’re finally getting the recognition they deserve. Always cheering you guys on! 🙂

Lilcolourfreak

Maria is fierce, creative and gives me such inspiration to push myself with my makeup. She’s a real sweet heart who isn’t afraid to be open and honest. She has the best hair also. Even if you’re not into creative makeup I bet you, you’d spend a long time looking at her pics. It’s impressive and it’s art. And it’s also very hard to do so she deserves the support. Love you Maria!