I used to think the phrase “cut toxic people out your life” made you sound bitter. Now I realise…it’s just a way of protecting yourself.
I go to therapy once a week, and seeing and realising that there are toxic traits within myself, has been a bloody hard pill to swallow. But slowly I’m changing things to help that.
You are the people you surround yourself most with, you are the books you read, and the movies you watch. You are the music you listen to. I take that very seriously now. I binge read feminism books, educational documentaries and hang out with my family most. I spend my free time running, or doing word searches, or speak/hang out with friends who make me happy. Bake cakes, and listen to David Bowie. My sisters are my best friends. My children make me laugh and smile everyday, and my fiancé deserves a golden globe, or maybe even a Nobel prize, for sticking by my side, through everything. I don’t have any type of trigger on my social media. People with issues have to fight that themselves. It’s not my place or job to be around that.
I’ve had to make drastic changes to my life. Over the last couple of years, slowly, I’ve made some pretty hard and extreme choices. Choices I do not regret because I know that, they’re for the best.
I’ve stopped all communication with a couple of family members. People will always say things like “you only have one mother/brother” but that doesn’t matter. It’s not your duty to carry toxic waste in your life. You are not in charge of someone else’s behaviour, or lifestyle choices, you are not an emotional punching bag. Chance after chance, year after year, tears and more tears, fake efforts here and there, I had enough.
You don’t deserve to feel small, or unworthy, or unwanted. You don’t deserve continuous abuse in any part of your life. Emotional or physical, that shit isn’t ok. And at the age of 27, I’ve only just really understood this. I’ve let drama, and toxic people/behaviour walk all over me for far too long. And I will not tolerate it anymore. I thought I was crazy for a long time. But being at therapy, and hearing my therapist, tell me it’s not me, it’s them. Has been, no exaggeration, life changing for me.
I love a good challenge. And that, mixed with a ton of empathy, has always led me, to try and change people. There is nothing you can do, to change someone. You are not in control of them. They are releasing hurt, bitterness and their issues out on you. That’s their problem not yours.
You will start to doubt yourself. Because people don’t usually have the courage, to put themselves first, and get rid of anything or anyone that’s suffocating your mental health. But you know in yourself, you know in your gut, what you can and can’t have in your life. Distance yourself, block out all forms of communication, social media, numbers etc. You owe yourself, peace. If your family or friends are not on board with you, then perhaps they are not strong enough to let go, or it’s too difficult for them. That’s fine, again, you can only control things for yourself.
But tell them, that they are in control of their personal boundaries, and that this is going to help you grow and be mentally healthy.
You deserve to feel happy!