Don’t call my son ‘mate’

Flops and Rex have the most wonderful bond. They both love splashing in muddy puddles, they both love bed time stories, and they both love dinosaurs. When two children have the same similarities, yet are both two different genders: Why is it our speech changes when it comes to dealing with the two? It’s something we’ve deemed as normal. We’ve inherited it from our parents, we’ve grown up in this environment where we alter our approach to both genders. Which in my opinion causes damage to both.

Rex has gotten a little boisterous recently. Now I’m not a looney, hear me out, I’m really not one for off the wall theories. But I do think it has something to do with the stereotype Mitch has unintentionally placed upon him. “Rough and tumble time” Mitch will say, as they roll around play fighting. “Mate” is said roughly 100 times a day. “Why is he so rough these days” Mitch asked me, and I finally spilt the Tea this morning. “You’re treating him differently to the other two all of a sudden” yes fair enough Dorothy cannot be thrown about right now, but is she being called the following : Buster, Mate, Mr, Buddy. No she’s not. She’s being called : Sweet-pea, princess (ugh), butterfly, baby girl. Much more feminine overly ‘girly’ type words.

Florence doesn’t have rough and tumble time. She’s not called Mate. I’ve had to purchase certain toys and books to encourage her confidence. She’s very insecure. But in the long run, while she’s dealing with her emotions correctly, I think she will be ok. I worry for Rex. Already people assume Rex will be a footballer, perhaps it’s because he’s got a lot of skill already, but also because of who is pops is. Do I think people will be saying the same to Dorothy? Of course not. Will they be buying Dorothy a saints kit for Xmas? No they won’t. It’s a lot of pressure on a little boy. He’s naturally very caring person. Who loves his sisters so deeply. I don’t want him to be pushed into this toxic masculine prison which he won’t be able to escape out of.

Rex pinches his sisters dolls and plays with them. So I bought him his own monster high doll for Christmas. I was left feeling guilty and sad. I believed what people were saying was true, I was pushing my beliefs onto him. But I have to stay strong and keep doing what I personally feel is right. You go ahead and do you and I’ll do me . This isn’t a blog post to shame other people’s parenting, it’s not to announce my disappointment on certain people. Absolutely not. Do I think people purchase stereotypical toys etc for my children on purpose? No of course not, do I think they are out to hurt me? No not at all. But I do think it’s time people accept my views on this subject are different. I would never judge you for your parenting. So please don’t judge mine it’s as simple as that.

I want my great great grandchildren to live in a world where both genders are treated equally. So far what ever we are doing isn’t working. Men who are told not to cry etc from a young age are struggling. Women who are told through stereotypes, that they are the caring nurturers not men, feel ashamed when they’re not maternal/don’t want children.

To get equality I believe we need to strip it all back, rip back those layers and start again. This is my way of doing it. There are most certainly different degrees to gender neutral – the most extreme being not giving your child a specific gender and letting them choose, that’s personally not for me. My term and understanding of gender neutral is having no boundaries. I’m proud to be a woman, and I love women. I won’t be offended by young boys wearing dresses, nor will I be with girls wearing suits, trousers, or wanting to be a marine, or firefighter. Men/boys are harmed by gender stereotypes. I felt so uncomfortable watching I’m a celeb this year. It really was a ‘who’s dick is bigger’ competition between the laddy lads.

Now I know not all of you will respect my views, PC bullshit you might call it, fine that’s your opinion and you are very well entitled to it. But please accept mine are different. I wouldn’t ever force or buy your child certain things, or treat them a certain way you’d be upset with. So please don’t with mine. Because if you are treating them that way then really, you don’t know them. To be honest it’s not even up for debate. For me this is calling a spade a spade. You could spend hours telling me why you think I’m wrong and I’d hear you out. But I wouldn’t ever understand it. No offence but If you buy Dorothy pink clothing, overly girly stuff or buy Rex t shirts with slogans such as “boys will boys” we return it all.

I feel that if you STRONGLY disagree with me, you are the one who is obsessed with gender, not me. A little girl walked up to Rex in town head to toe in pink, told Rex “you can’t have that Minnie Mouse balloon it’s pink it’s for girls” NO it’s not I butted in, I think her dad was super shocked I did that so bluntly, but I am struggling to deal with my passion for this at times. And get upset with how far we have to go. Our thoughts and beliefs by the age of seven are carried with us for the rest of our lives. So let’s try and re write how we do things IF you agree with me.

Instead of a New Years resolution, I ask you for 2018 to be the year you embrace yourself. I publicly put out what I believe, in hope that other parents feel the same way. And become confident in their beliefs. Don’t put yourself amongst those who will make you feel like a freak or a weirdo. You are not weird. Just because it’s not the status quo does not make it wrong.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all of you. Let’s embrace difference. That will make the world a better place in my opinion.

Alex

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10 things you definitely did not know about me

10 things you definitely did not know about me:

I have Trypophobia – Trypophobia is a phobia of funny little patterns, usually tiny holes all clustered together. When I was younger, I stopped eating bread for about a year, as the bread was making me feel nauseous as I was focusing so much on the small holes, (patterns on the bread slice). I can only eat my bread toasted, as it makes me feel better (I pretend the heat seals the holes up). Florence has once or twice, found YouTube videos of holes etc and loves to wind me up, I’ve ran to the bathroom and been sick over it. It’s one of the rarest phobias. Honestly typing about it makes me feel sick.

I’ve always wanted 6 children – Don’t worry Mum Dad/ in laws, it won’t happen, I can’t give birth naturally so it would be dangerous for me and baby. Yes you’re probably thinking ‘you can’t afford that’ if you are take those judgey pants off! I don’t care about money you should know that by now. I’ll stop at 4.

I have OCD – When I’m sat down, or when I enter a new home, I count the corners of each room, then get an imagine of the layout of the whole house in my head and count all the corners together until I get a headache.

I get bad vibes from horses – This may offend family members as every bloody one of them seems to love horses. Fair enough. Not for me though, I’m not sure why but I don’t trust them. They look at me funny. Don’t laugh they DO!

I feel more comfortable in men’s clothing – Not sure why I just do! I find a lot of women’s clothing very boring and basic. I like to be different.

I find copying offensive – People say copying is flattering, but I hate it. A few people have gone and done things, such as change hair, buy clothes etc as they like mine and I HATE it. Yes I am that bellend who pretends they can’t remember where they bought it. Get your own ideas. I’m always the one to be picked on or made fun of, when I wear something and then a year later when it becomes acceptable by others to wear they’ll wear it 🙄.

I believe when we die we are reborn – Yes I know bit hippy, but I believe that there are only a certain amount of souls to be had, so when you die your soul leaves and goes into a newborn baby and we start again.

Driving gives me anxiety – When I first did my driving lessons, the instructor would not let me drive back home. Which is one of those standard things people do. I’ve driven into trees and bins, when I drove into my first bin I couldn’t stop driving and the instructor lost his shit at me. Never again. I hate being in a car let alone my own.

I’m so creative it hurts – The imagination I had as a child was insane. I didn’t need toys etc to be happy. Now when I have an idea of how I want something to be, it’s difficult as I’m not happy unless it turns out to be how I pictured. My wedding for example, if it’s not how I can get it to be I won’t be getting married. End of. When I draw or paint the picture is already there in my brain and if one slip up happens I start again.

boiled kale with water – Is my fave snack!

26 things I’ve learned since turning 26

When I was 6 years old, I remember crying in school toilets, scared that one day I would be an adult getting drunk and being stupid. And here I am scared about being an adult and acting stupid (at least I’m sober). Here are 26 things I’ve learnt so far, in this strange little world we all live in.

1. It doesn’t matter if you weren’t, in the ‘cool’ group at school.

2. Wash your makeup brushes every now and then.

3. Posing in a super hero position, before doing something scary, makes you feel less anxious.

4. Once you’ve found YOUR perfume stick with it.

5. Having flowers in your home makes you feel better.

6. Wearing red lipstick makes you look less tired.

7. Eating healthy food is so so so good for your mental health.

8. Clubbing and getting drunk every weekend is over rated.

9. There will never be another Bowie or Amy.

10. You don’t have to agree on everything to get along with somebody.

11. Depression is real.

12. Kiss as many people as you can before you fall in love, get it out your system.

13. Talk to someone new everyday.

14. Make a phone call to your loved ones at least once a week.

15. Counting calories is a waste of time.

16. Telling your children fairytale stories will never get boring.

17. Treat your body as one whole piece and appreciate it, do not treat it as a jigsaw by picking out bits you like and dislike.

18. Being in love, is just like the movies.

19. You never stop worrying, about your children.

20. You are your own best friend.

21. Always own at least one pair of over- sized sunglasses.

22. Eat slower.

23. Buy that jacket you always wanted.

24. Cut your hair real short at least once in your twenties.

25. Take the advice you always give out so freely to others.

26. If you don’t believe in yourself no one else will.