Flops and Rex have the most wonderful bond. They both love splashing in muddy puddles, they both love bed time stories, and they both love dinosaurs. When two children have the same similarities, yet are both two different genders: Why is it our speech changes when it comes to dealing with the two? It’s something we’ve deemed as normal. We’ve inherited it from our parents, we’ve grown up in this environment where we alter our approach to both genders. Which in my opinion causes damage to both.
Rex has gotten a little boisterous recently. Now I’m not a looney, hear me out, I’m really not one for off the wall theories. But I do think it has something to do with the stereotype Mitch has unintentionally placed upon him. “Rough and tumble time” Mitch will say, as they roll around play fighting. “Mate” is said roughly 100 times a day. “Why is he so rough these days” Mitch asked me, and I finally spilt the Tea this morning. “You’re treating him differently to the other two all of a sudden” yes fair enough Dorothy cannot be thrown about right now, but is she being called the following : Buster, Mate, Mr, Buddy. No she’s not. She’s being called : Sweet-pea, princess (ugh), butterfly, baby girl. Much more feminine overly ‘girly’ type words.
Florence doesn’t have rough and tumble time. She’s not called Mate. I’ve had to purchase certain toys and books to encourage her confidence. She’s very insecure. But in the long run, while she’s dealing with her emotions correctly, I think she will be ok. I worry for Rex. Already people assume Rex will be a footballer, perhaps it’s because he’s got a lot of skill already, but also because of who is pops is. Do I think people will be saying the same to Dorothy? Of course not. Will they be buying Dorothy a saints kit for Xmas? No they won’t. It’s a lot of pressure on a little boy. He’s naturally very caring person. Who loves his sisters so deeply. I don’t want him to be pushed into this toxic masculine prison which he won’t be able to escape out of.
Rex pinches his sisters dolls and plays with them. So I bought him his own monster high doll for Christmas. I was left feeling guilty and sad. I believed what people were saying was true, I was pushing my beliefs onto him. But I have to stay strong and keep doing what I personally feel is right. You go ahead and do you and I’ll do me . This isn’t a blog post to shame other people’s parenting, it’s not to announce my disappointment on certain people. Absolutely not. Do I think people purchase stereotypical toys etc for my children on purpose? No of course not, do I think they are out to hurt me? No not at all. But I do think it’s time people accept my views on this subject are different. I would never judge you for your parenting. So please don’t judge mine it’s as simple as that.
I want my great great grandchildren to live in a world where both genders are treated equally. So far what ever we are doing isn’t working. Men who are told not to cry etc from a young age are struggling. Women who are told through stereotypes, that they are the caring nurturers not men, feel ashamed when they’re not maternal/don’t want children.
To get equality I believe we need to strip it all back, rip back those layers and start again. This is my way of doing it. There are most certainly different degrees to gender neutral – the most extreme being not giving your child a specific gender and letting them choose, that’s personally not for me. My term and understanding of gender neutral is having no boundaries. I’m proud to be a woman, and I love women. I won’t be offended by young boys wearing dresses, nor will I be with girls wearing suits, trousers, or wanting to be a marine, or firefighter. Men/boys are harmed by gender stereotypes. I felt so uncomfortable watching I’m a celeb this year. It really was a ‘who’s dick is bigger’ competition between the laddy lads.
Now I know not all of you will respect my views, PC bullshit you might call it, fine that’s your opinion and you are very well entitled to it. But please accept mine are different. I wouldn’t ever force or buy your child certain things, or treat them a certain way you’d be upset with. So please don’t with mine. Because if you are treating them that way then really, you don’t know them. To be honest it’s not even up for debate. For me this is calling a spade a spade. You could spend hours telling me why you think I’m wrong and I’d hear you out. But I wouldn’t ever understand it. No offence but If you buy Dorothy pink clothing, overly girly stuff or buy Rex t shirts with slogans such as “boys will boys” we return it all.
I feel that if you STRONGLY disagree with me, you are the one who is obsessed with gender, not me. A little girl walked up to Rex in town head to toe in pink, told Rex “you can’t have that Minnie Mouse balloon it’s pink it’s for girls” NO it’s not I butted in, I think her dad was super shocked I did that so bluntly, but I am struggling to deal with my passion for this at times. And get upset with how far we have to go. Our thoughts and beliefs by the age of seven are carried with us for the rest of our lives. So let’s try and re write how we do things IF you agree with me.
Instead of a New Years resolution, I ask you for 2018 to be the year you embrace yourself. I publicly put out what I believe, in hope that other parents feel the same way. And become confident in their beliefs. Don’t put yourself amongst those who will make you feel like a freak or a weirdo. You are not weird. Just because it’s not the status quo does not make it wrong.
Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all of you. Let’s embrace difference. That will make the world a better place in my opinion.