The lessons I learned from going to therapy

Just like depression, admitting you have been or go to therapy can be scary. But there’s nothing to be ashamed about. Seeking or wanting help, is such a brave thing to go and do.

Last year, I was at my worst mentally. I had hit a wall, my brain was telling me I needed fixing and if I wasn’t going to go and get help, then I would be stuck in this dark, low place. So I did just that. As I had just had Rex, italk therapy was available to me very quickly. I was asked a list long of questions, asking me such things as ‘on a scale of one to ten are you’ and so on. As my scores were quite high they were very concerned and arranged an appointment straight away.

I didn’t know what to expect. You see in the movies, that the person going through therapy tends to lay down on a leather sofa, recalling what they went through that day. But this therapy I was going through was called Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). CBT is a form of psychotherapy that can be used to treat OCD, anxiety disorders, panic attacks, PTSD, depression and many other disorders. CBT can be quite distressing, bringing up the past is never easy but to see it drawn out and explained in detail is tough.

It was made clear, quite quickly that this wasn’t a phase or a period, I had always been depressed. Realising this was a huge weight lifted off of me. Getting into a mindset of “right let’s take this day by day” instead of “how do I get rid of this depression pronto!?” Got me into a better rhythm/place with my depression. I am very in and out of it I go through rough periods, like just recently. But thanks to therapy I have learnt how to cope with it.

A few things I learnt whilst being in therapy :

  1. Sometimes it is YOUR fault. I’m not perfect, I already knew that. But at times I didn’t see where I was going wrong, and when you retrace your steps and take a long think about your actions, sometimes it takes that long think/talk to realise it was you all along. Do not be ashamed good things happen when you make mistakes and learn from them.
  2. And sometimes it’s THEIR fault: I needed to learn that I can’t change people, I can’t change the way they think, and I can’t change their past. As a mother, I sometimes wanted to mother other people. I can’t do that they need to learn on their own paths. I can’t change the way others think: that ones painful to me still, I wish everyone was as open minded as me, but they aren’t. Simples.
  3. It’s ok to ask for help: I always felt like asking for help was weak. I pride myself on being one of those ‘get on with it’ sort of people. But even I need help every now and then.
  4. Certain people are bad news for me: When I was brought back, to certain situations and thoughts, the same people would be brought up. I’m a huge optimist, sometimes too much of it, and my head was always giving these people another chance when my heart/gut screamed NO. I now no longer do that. I distance myself from those people and I’ve never been happier. Recently something happened that would’ve usually really upset me, but I wasn’t even that bothered it was amazing.

I am so thankful, for the friends and family around me. I have never felt more accepted and loved in my life. I am more confident. I am happier. Of course I have my down days, my low mood comes back with a vengeance every now and then, unfortunately. But I get straight back up. My Mum labelled me ‘formidable’ and I can’t help but think it’s true. I am a mental health warrior, a survivor, you can’t stop me. I know that pains some people, and I love it.

Since blogging a lot of lovely things have happened, and it’s only the beginning. Focusing on this has made me so happy. I can’t wait to see what next year brings! Eek.

I’m turning 26 tomorrow. Here’s to another year of ME ME and ME hahaha. *sips tea*

Love Alex

The most shocking moments of 2017

This year has been CRAY ZEE. It’s coming to an end shortly (let’s celebrate the fact that we haven’t been nuked yet) Let’s laugh about this strange year, else we will cry a whole entire river. Here are some of the craziest and silliest moments of 2017 (in my opinion). Side note: piss take blog post.

La La Land

Wow what an incredibly over rated musical/film. The hype was massive, human beings are such sheep. If a crowd of people approve the whole world does, and it was made out to be something as great as sliced bread. I’ll stick to singin’ in the rain thanks.

Craig David

I miss Craig’s old music. But something even more shocking than his new stuff, is the fact we all found out he votes Tory. I know take a deep breath and count to ten. I know shocking stuff. ‘Where were you when you found out Craig David votes Tory’ was trending on Twitter it was short lived but it ”twas very funny.

Everyone’s a sex pest

All these Hollywood son of a bitches, being caught out FINALLY. Could someone come forward for Tom Cruise, because I’ve had enough of him already. Thanks.

All the Kardashians are pregnant

Which ones are pregnant?! Who knows! It pains me to say this: but we might not find out until 2018??? Not to be dramatic or anything but that kills my insides. I just need to know now. I bet even Caitlyn’s preggers.

Dumps tweets

Donald Dump’s tweets this year, have been entertaining for all the wrong reasons. We’ve had infamous spelling mistakes. Openly supporting racists, and starting fights with Eminem. One of my favourite moments of 2017 so far, was when an employee who was leaving Twitter shut down his Twitter. Beautiful. Give that person a knighthood.

Rebekah Vardy

Is apparently a celebrity? ‘I’m a celebrity get me out of here’ 2017 line up looks like a pile of crap. Even our beloved show, which leads us up to the end of the year is going to be shite. Thanks, not so well known celebrity’s for ruining our one glimmer of hope for this year.

Everyone’s offended by a sausage roll

Jesus Christ. Oops sorry don’t be offended. Cmon seriously?! I personally thought Greggs had done a smashing job. These morons who were actually, really, well and truly offended by this, are the same types of people who end up becoming traffic wardens : unloved children. (9 times out of 10 happen to be : ginger)

John Lewis advert was shit

FFS. This monster, was even way worse than the trampolining dog. And even then to be fair the dog, put in way more effort. What was that toy all about? A star light up bed side thingy? Compared to a trampoline last year? Slight down grade. That’s what happens when you vote Tory I guess.

The end.

bizzi growin unicorn nursing/support cushion product review

Our little Dorothy, is a right awkward potato. She hates being in the buggy, she throws up a lot in the car. And she isn’t that much of a fan, being in the vibrating chair. So when bizzi growin told me about their Unicorn support/nursing cushion, which helps prop up your little one, I did think that it would be perfect for our little girl!

The unicorn cushion comes in a really simple yet cute design, white with polka dot print. This fits in perfectly with any kind of decor (if you’re into that Instagram ready house life) Having three children, I’m always wondering, Is everyone ok? Are they all feeling involved?

With my last blog post I made it very clear, that I’m always conscious about the number three being odd, and that someone’s always being left out. So with this support cushion I can prop Dorothy up, so she’s sat up watching her sister and brother playing so she can feel more involved and part of the family. This cushion is also great for play time, strengthening the neck. When Dorothy gets a little older, I can place her on her stomach, so she can have some ‘tummy time’.

The unicorn cushion is also very handy while breast feeding. It supports her head and body, real nicely. And it’s comfy, and light whilst it’s on my lap. I think this would make a great Christmas present for Mums to be, as it’s not something most people would think about getting/buying for a loved one. It’s super sweet and also very handy. I’ve never used a nursing cushion before but wish I had done as a lot easier and relaxing for both myself and baby.

It’s also a great cushion for Rex to crash out on, whilst he watches CBeebies! It’s a winner from all of us.

We’re glad to give this unicorn a home thank
you bizzi growin, we will be using this in our everyday feeding routine from now on!

Love Alex



It takes a f*cking village

I am exhausted. I am hungry, I think I need the toilet but the tiredness numbs my whole body. I am enraged with jealousy, I am so jealous of those who have their Mums or Dads near by to help out with their children. Grandparents, cousins, brothers or sisters who are just around the corner. I don’t have that.

I imagine what it would be like, moving out closer to family members. But we’ve outgrown those places, we no longer fit in. And I wouldn’t want to. Life will (and always has done) put you in the exact spot that you’re meant to be in. So right now I’m learning a lesson, a hard one that I have no fucking clue about, but one things for sure I know that I will get through it and I will become a little stronger for it.

I have so much more respect for parents. Especially single parents. I feel like a single mum right now, Mitch is out working hard Mon-Fri and does football coaching three times a week, so I’m mostly on my own (one of those days being a Sunday). Taking on a 17 month gap between Rex and Dorothy is a lot harder than I ever imagined. I have learnt a few new skills I can play football and breastfeed at the same time, I can correct Florence on her homework whilst changing nappies and singing nursery rhymes. Sometimes I laugh because else I really will cry.

When people stop to ask how I’m doing I always tell the truth “just surviving” I’ll say. I don’t agree with bullshitting about parenting, you’ll always get that parent that makes out their child learnt how to potty train in 15 minutes or can play the guitar with their nose, and that doesn’t make anyone feel good or reassure them, quite the opposite really!

The two parts of the day that Dorothy has decided to be at her most difficult are – Morning school run and the Afternoon school run. Cheers Dolly, you sure do pick your moments. As soon as the pram stops ‘WAAAAA’.

This week I received a message from a school Mum, asking me to go for coffee, I hadn’t met up with her before so it was a pleasant surprise when she asked me. She’s so down to earth and lovely, we are both in similar situations and she totally gets where I’m coming from with family being away so was nice to confess my worries about it all, and she reassured me it would get easier in time. It really is that much harder being by yourself for most of the hard stuff. She’s one of five, so I felt like a total wimp compared to her super hero Mum!

At the end of the day some one out there will have it a lot worse than me, and I know that. But I wanted to write a blog post on how I am struggling and I’m not ashamed to admit that. I am learning new things everyday about my children and even about me. I have to be patient and do my best that’s all I can do. And not beat myself up about it all. Perhaps our village we raise our babies in, isn’t just made with blood (relatives) but with people we pick and choose to be in our lives. Some of my friends have been there for me, doing things for me that you’d expect family to do for you.

I know my family are always thinking of us and wish they could be with us. And when they are, they really do try and care.

To all the parents out there, who are feeling crappy about being a parent right now, you got this. No one told us how hard it would be.

We are all rock stars

Love Alex

6 things that make me cry 

Don’t judge me, but I’m so into zodiac signs. Yep I know, lame. Being a Sagittarius, means at times,(almost always) we seem emotionless, so when I’m crying, I’m crying for a good reason. There are of course,the obvious triggers : My children, Family- (whether they’re upset or something bad has happened to them) they are the people I cry over most.  But here are six other things, that always have and always will get me feeling emotional. Happy and sad tears. 

One : Amy Winehouse

Her songs are so beautiful. ‘Just friends’ always makes me cry, before I even hear her words I have tears in my eyes. We all know she is a genius, but there’s more to it and I’m not sure what it is exactly, she has something magical and special. I’ll never stop crying to her music.  

Two : Breakfast at Tiffany’s 

I read a NY times article once, stating that people were most likely, to pretend/lie about ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ being their faveourite movie. To seem or pretend to be ‘cool’ and um hate to say it but it actually is mine obviously!. Ask me to repeat the ending of the movie I know it off by heart. I cry every time I watch it, Audrey Hepburn who plays the lead role (Holly) being in denial of love is bitter sweet and very relatable. 

Three : Disney Fireworks

Don’t even pretend you don’t cry too. I can’t help it. It’s magical OK. I can’t wait to be there soon with all my babies, Disney will always be magical to me, no matter how old I am. I can’t help it sorry not sorry. 


Four : Flowers 

Yeah I’m a cheap date, my boyfriends lucky. When he buys me flowers he also writes the sweetest notes, sometimes a letter. I love how much he loves me. I know he’s always got my back. Flowers are always beautiful, even in a crisis they brighten up your day. 

Five : Broad city 

FOUR AND THREE AND TWO AND ONE!!! Obviously happy/laughing tears (I’m not that much of a freak) but two hilarious, smart, cool women making silly funny and very relevant jokes is totally my thing. My tummy hurts sometimes from laughing, and with the world we are living in right now we all need laughing tears. 

Six : Judy Garland : Somewhere over the rainbow 

That song gives me goosebumps. All over. One of my favourite memories from my childhood is watching the Wizard of Oz with my Nan, I don’t know why and I don’t remember much about it just I really treasure that memory. When Mitch said he loved the name Dorothy it just felt right. There’s no place like home.