There are some things better left unsaid but I will go ahead and say them anyway you should know me by now the embarrassing Mum who has no filter, The mum who storms up to your drama teacher and asks why you haven’t got the lead part and the Mum who tells your friend she looks ‘a little tacky’ before you head out for drinks. This of course hasn’t happened yet but we all know it will. Here are a few rambles I will pass on to my three piglets.
Do as I say not as I do Kiddiwinkles you won’t realise it or believe it yet but Mothers are always right it’s annoying and unfair and I remember being told by your nanny that the boy I really liked at the time wasn’t that interested in me and only wanted to sleep with me and she was absolutely right. So when I tell you.. I mean offer my advice.. please do listen as blunt and horrid as it may come across it is because I care so deeply about you.
All Mothers have magical powers It’s like we can see into the future just like the time I woke up whilst Rex was climbing out of his cot bed so quietly you could hear a pin drop and yet there I was catching him before he hit the floor pure MAGIC.
I hate to say it and as controversial as it may be it’s the reality the advice I give to all three of you will be different because two of you are girls. Boys face a hell of a lot of stigma when it comes to gender stereotypes and they are told not to cry/man up etc which is a load of bollocks and Mumma is always here for a shoulder to cry on (all of you but especially Rex) But Girls as you may have already figured out you are treated differently by Teachers, Adults and fellow peers because of your gender lemme tell you why : Because being a girl is a fucking pleasure.
Girls don’t ever chase after boys NEVER ever that shit is lame. That’s rule number one and It is a strict rule besides you should be concentrating on your school work. (do as I say not as I do)
Don’t worry about not having big boobs yet they are totally overrated and once you have them you’ll fantasise about being injected with Anaesthetic and having them chopped off. Periods are a bitch but don’t be that annoying girl who whines about them every five seconds and takes days off for them you are powerful and strong and you can take them on. Real friends are so important treat them like family once you get a little older you will realise that you can count on one hand who your real trusting friends are. And there will always be that ONE pretend friend that you cant stand, be mature and step away life is too short to be fake. And do not be petty online we have all done it but it’s embarrassing and I’ve made you better than that.
Rex always treat your girlfriend/boyfriend (ya never know) with respect. I’m hoping by now you’ve figured out how strong and precious women are by living with three of them and also one day find someone with integrity and depth just like your sisters are.
I cannot lie you are my precious baby boy and I hate myself for saying this but I will always dislike your partner they could be a noble prize winning Victoria secret model and I would still think you could do better. Ok Ok I just read that out loud and its so bad I want to punch myself in the face I just want you to be happy I promise that’s all.
There will always no matter what be one person you want so badly but you can’t have there’s no explaining it you are absolutely scrumptious and divine nothing at all wrong with you but you’ll have to accept it and move on with grace of course. Again do as I say…..
Experience heart break so bad you don’t want to leave your room for days cry a whole entire ocean because it will make you a stronger person. Say stupid things and then regret them because that is how you learn lessons. Do things that make you so uncomfortable you want to shit your pants you’ll look back on it and feel so proud of yourselves. Go to the places you’ve always wanted to see and take lots of selfies so I can hang them on the fridge. I just want all three of you to live to feel and care so deeply that by the time your time is up you are relieved with joy and tired out.
All three of you will fail at something once or twice in your lives pick yourselves up your time will come. If you are trying your best that’s all I will ever care about. I want you to find a passion something you love so much that makes you tick, the first thing you think of when you wake and the last at night then you’ve found it.
Do not compare yourselves with anyone there will always be someone better than you at something I know that’s such a shitty saying and I’m still pissed you didn’t get that lead part but it is true. With that being said you all three of you will be better at something else which someone out there will be incredibly jealous of.
When people insult you listen to their words not because what they say is fact but because that’s how they view and see the world that is their own bundle of insecurities a real insight to what they are all about, process the words have a think about it and ask yourselves if you really need that person in your life? LIFE HACK : NO.
You receive what you put out into the world the saying ‘Birds of a feather flock together’ is so bang on and still my favourite saying because you can get a rough idea of what someone is like and what they are about by looking at the people they associate themselves with.
And lastly for me please promise me you will always love each other. You guys are best friends and you have to always stick together. I know there will be days you want to scream and strangle each other but just remember you can’t keep up with the Kardashians in prison so keep your calm. I love all three of you immensely.
Your Mumma x